Oh, my head!

It is one of those weeks again where I have so much cooking in my head, so many agendas to roll out and items to tick from my to-do list.  I have been researching online, reading books and magazines for ideas, I am so pumped up.  I am going to make a website and I will start by designing my own personal blog. 

Yes, this blogger blog. 
I am going to do it. 

I am not just going to modify the template and change colours and upload some pictures, but I will sit down and work a design Photoshop and do CSS scripts in Dreamweaver.  
I am going to design this from scratch.  I will the work on a website and offer my design services. 

Working from home around my children, isn’t that every mom’s dream? Oh yea!
I can imagine everything, me on my computer and my lovely well mannered boys happily playing together, serving each other. 

It’s going to be perfect!

I need to commit for this to work.  I am going to make time.  I am going to collect the spare 10 minutes here and there and use it for this ‘project’.    Well, the kids can play an extra 15 minutes by themselves and an extra 30 minutes TV time.   I can do this ‘trial session’, it’s just a small personal project, a two weeks design school assignment.

Then it happens, the unchaperoned playtime of three strappy boys result in head hitting, head sitting, snatching, slamming, wrestling, and continuous screaming.  On normal days, I could just tune out from occasional cries.  I wondered and envy how could some other mums manage to work from home with their kids around them?

All the reading, the researches, and the staying up late caught up to me.   I am hearing one cries after another for the whole waking hours just doesn’t help my cause.  I have come to the point that my brain physically hurts, I feel like it is going to explode inside my head.  Every time my heart beats, my brain pounds against my skull, it hurts so much to the point where I almost…almost wish it’d stop beating. 

Three weeks has gone by since I dust out my sketch book.   A couple of sessions with the doctor and a week on Neurofen, nagging for massages, and whole day sleeping in t away from it all (to thanks to my husband);
I realize that I physically cannot cope with being a full time stay at home mom to three boys under 4 and do this.   Not now.  I am not ready.  I put my sketchbook back into the drawer.  Not yet.